I’m Sorry, Forgive Me

I’ll be with you… forever.
Those five words echoed in his mind, again and again, like a gong that never stops.
Those were the last words that she had spoken to him, her last whispers before she vanished before his very own eyes, entering an entirely different world from his. There was no disappearing in a gush of wind, or vanishing in a puff of smoke. Hell, there wasn’t even any residue left behind for which he can keep as a memory, she just vanished in his very arms. One moment, they were locked together in an embrace, the next minute, he was clutching thin air.
He looked out at the sea, at the rolling waves that never cease. He took in a deep breath, inhaling the salty breeze of the sea water. He could still feel her imprints on him, her gentle fingers where they had held onto him last, before she vanished into nothingness. The strawberry scent of her hair was still clear in his mind, empowering and strong, covering the saltiness of the sea. If he closed his eyes, he could still remember the touch of her body against his, all her curves and edges fitting perfectly into his. He could remember the feel of the fine strands of her hair in his hands, the delicate smoothness of her skin when he had pressed his face against the nape of her neck. It was as if she was right there in his arms, hugging him back, when indeed, she was gone, forever. The sudden feeling of loss was so overwhelming he felt himself stumble. He could remember her perfectly, but yet, he couldn’t remember when had it all started.
“You’d remember it eventually… I trust you…” She had said to him.
But how?
The whole thing had happened at the speed of light, so fast, that it was over before he knew it. It had barely started, and then, she was gone. It was only last night when he first cast eyes on her, a shimmery figure who had appeared out of nowhere as he was having a lonely supper, scaring the lights out of him. It had taken him awhile before he finally realized she was harmless, and when he had finally gotten use to her, she left, leaving him in a whirlwind of emotions.
Funny, really, how I had been reluctantly pulled into this, and how reluctant I am now for it to be over.

“Hyung,” the young man whispered, shaking the sleeping figure on the bed next to his gently. When there was no response, he continued shaking, this time harder.
“Hyungie ah,” he raised his voice just slightly louder than a whisper, so as to not wake the other sleeping occupants of the house.
Still, the figure would not stir.
“What if… He’s not… dead… is he?” he thought in alarm.
Shaken by the sudden thought, he quickly placed a finger under the sleeping man’s nose, his hand trembling slightly as his heart start to race a million miles away. He held his breath, waiting, and after a few agonizing seconds which felt like years, he gushed out a sigh in relief as a light brush of warm breath swept his finger.
He straightened his back and stood silently still as he stared down at the face shrouded in darkness, partly illuminated by the gentle touch of the crescent moon that was hanging on the night sky outside. In the silence, the soft snore that had been inaudible earlier was comfortingly loud, and there was never a more beautiful and peaceful sleeping face as that of the young man on the bed.
The mesmerizing effect caused a warmth that had been unlikely in this cold wintry night to spread through his icy cold body, and inevitably, he felt a smile starting to crawl into his face. However, it all lasted for but one minute before a loud growl suddenly pierced through the silence,and despite the darkness, he felt a flush rising up his face.
“Hyung,” he shook the sleeping figure again, a hint of urgency lacing his voice. “Wake up!’
A soft groan was heard in reply as the sleeping man turned in his sleep, and the next thing he knew, a loud thud echoed across the room.


“Arrhhh…. OUCHHHH!!!!!!”
“Omo, hyung, are you alright?!” He asked nervously as the light over their heads flickered on and he caught himself staring at the beautiful face that had mesmerized him earlier; only this time, the face was no longer peaceful. No, in fact, he looked downright outraged.
He gulped.
“Aish! Micky YooChun! What were you thinking?! It’s 2 in the morning!” JaeJoong whisper-yelled at him.
“I’m sorry! You wouldn’t wake up! I didn’t push you down… you ROLLED down the bed yourself…” Micky mumbled in reply, his head lowered, twiddling his thumbs.
“Aish… what’s wrong anyway? Why aren’t you sleeping?”
Micky slowly lifted his face to him, grinning.
“I’m hungry. You wanna get supper?

“I can’t believe I’m cooking at 2 in the morning… We’re doomed if our house gets another ChangMin…” JaeJoong grumbled to himself under his breath as he placed himself at the kitchen, tying a pink apron over his body. He yawned; it had been a long day and he was knackered. The image of his warm comfortable bed entered his mind, and he longed to jump under the covers and sleep like there’s no tomorrow.
It’s 2 in the morning and he just had supper a few hours ago… How can he be hungry already?! He can’t be going through puberty again, can he? I mean, isn’t he abit too old for that now?
A few minutes later, a bowl of steaming hot ramen sat on the table. Micky bounced over to the table looking like a happy little boy who had just gotten an early birthday present, his nose eagerly sniffing the mouth-watering aroma. Had JaeJoong not been so eager to resume his beauty sleep, he would have been sorely tempted to join in as well.
Micky’s face dropped at the sight of the single bowl on the table.
“Hyung! There’s only one bowl!” He exclaimed, staring accusingly at JaeJoong.
He looked at the younger man, baffled. “What, isn’t one bowl enough?!”
“Aren’t you going to eat too?” He asked, pouting slightly.
“Why don’t you get Minnie to join you instead?”
“He’s sleeping like a log, he doesn’t want to wake up. He said he’s tired. Tsk.”
“Junsu and Yunho?”
“You know they don’t like supper…”
Micky looked up at JaeJoong hopefully.
“Well…” JaeJoong uttered. “I’m tired too.”

Micky stabbed violently at the noddle, causing the soup to splash all over the table.
“Shoot…” he cursed under his breath as he quickly reached for a cloth to wipe the table clean. Eating alone is no fun, and he felt annoyed that no one would join him for supper, not even the food lover ChangMin. He stared at the bowl of noodle, barely touched, having lost his appetite. Heaving a sigh, he stood up and reached for the bowl, deciding that he didn’t want to eat anymore.
“Aren’t you going to finish eating?” A light tinkling voice suddenly interjected the lonely silence, causing Micky to jump in fright.
He quickly twisted his body to the back, so fast, that he heard a loud sharp ‘crack’.
“Shoot!” He cursed for the second time, this time clutching his waist in pain. “Owwww…” he moaned, wondering if he broke his waist.
“Are you alright?” the foreign shimmery voice tinkled again, interlined with concern.
Micky glanced up and felt his heart froze.
Am I dreaming?

“Annyeong,” the girl smiled sweetly, her head tilted slightly to the right as she lifted her right hand and waved vigorously in greeting.
He stared back, his eyes opened saucer-wide, and his mouth gaping open in a silent scream. He tried to work his dry throat, but to no avail. It was as if all his body organs were going on strike; none would listen and abide to his command.
“Ttcchttt… tchooo….” he choked when he finally found his voice, words tumbling out in a jumbled mess.
She laughed humorously at his incoherent response, her eyes closed in a beautiful arch. Micky grabbed the opportunity to observe her, drinking in details of her like a dehydrated man.
Sitting on the table by the window, she was clad in a sun dress that was absolutely inappropriate in this wintry weather, the light pastel colours clinging to her pale fair skin, giving her an overall sweet but yet, somehow, sickly image.
“Not a downright pretty girl… but she’s alright,” Micky found himself thinking.
There was something quite different about her that he couldn’t place, something that kept his eyes glued to her like he usually would to an exotic beauty, and it was a few moments later when he finally realized what was wrong with her: her body looked solid, but there was a slight transparency as he gazed at her unblinkingly, and the edges of her body shimmered.
He gulped nervously as the sudden realization flitted into his mind.
“Please don’t tell me I’m looking at a ghost,” he thought.
“Oh God, please help me, there’s a ghost in our house… Oh God oh God…” he prayed fervently.
As if reading his mind, she stopped laughing and looked at him.
“I’m sorry… please don’t be scared… I didn’t mean to scare or hurt you…” she uttered softly, gazing at him through her big brown eyes.
“W-what are you?” he blurted abruptly, his hand slowly inching across the table behind him for a knife or weapon of some sort.
Do knifes work on ghosts? No? Oh my God… I’m doomed…
“I’m-” she started to say, but Micky cut across her.
“Are… are you… a… g-ghost?” he stuttered, his heart skipping a beat at the word ‘ghost’; ghosts leave him bad memories that he’d rather not reminisce.
She stared at him, holding his gaze, intense, until he finally had to look away.
“I… yes… I’m… a ghost,” she sighed. “But,” she hurriedly continue. “I’m… a nice ghost. I don’t harm people.”
Especially not you…
“So… you’re kind of like Casper?” he asked, stalling for time, as he inched away slowly towards his room.
“I guess you can put it that way,” she said with a friendly smile.
“But… who are you? Why are you here? What do you want?”
“I have always been here, Micky… You just never noticed.”

SeoHyun stood up gingerly, and in that short second, she caught Micky’s eyes flickering to her feet, before flitting back to her face.
She smiled.
“I do step on the ground, Micky,” she answered his unspoken question as she slowly made her way towards him.
Micky’s eyes widened with alarm and he quickly took a step backwards.
“W-what are you doing? Don’t come here… don’t come near me… Shoo! Go away!” He yelled, forgetting about his sleeping inmates, as he brandished the knife that he had managed to grab infront of him like a sword.
He sounded like a coward, hell, he even felt like one, but he was too scared to be bothered and be embarrassed about it. Besides, there was no one around to witness his cowardice anyway; there was only him and the female Casper in the room, and probably more invisible ghosts that he’d rather not know around.
He shuddered at the thought that there might be one standing just behind him right now, breathing down his neck.
As she continued to walk (“I thought ghosts float?” he thought.) towards him, he made a grab for the cushion on one of the wooden dining chair and flung it at her. It hit her square in the face and surprisingly, bounced off, as if she was a solid person, but yet, she continued advancing towards him. He gasped, backing away.
“Please… Micky… I won’t harm you… Won’t you just… give me a chance and listen to me? You knew me once, you trusted me before. Won’t you trust me just this one more time? Please… Micky?”

“Hyung, are you alright? You look sick,” ChangMin said, peering closely at Micky.
“What time did you finish eating last night? I didn’t hear you entering the room,” JaeJoong added.
ChangMin gasped at JaeJoong words, before rounding on Micky. “What? You ate last night? As in supper?!?!! Why didn’t you wake me up?!” He glared at Micky.
“Don’t be an idiot. Obviously I asked you. You said ‘no’. You even kicked me away,” Micky uttered exasperatedly.
“I said that?!” ChangMin exclaimed, startled, conveniently ignoring the more pressing matter that he had kicked the older man. “I said no? How could I have said no?!”
“Urgh… shut up, Min. It’s 7 in the morning. You’re noisy,” Junsu interrupted, hitting the grumbling ChangMin lightly on the head.
Micky felt a wave of appreciation towards Junsu; he didn’t think he could cope with anything else, not after the traumatic night that he had had a few hours ago. He was still trying to get his mind around the fact that he is going on a ‘date’ with a ghost in a few hours time.
“Good morning, boys!” Yunho boomed loudly as he entered the kitchen where the other four boys were crowding in.
“It’s Valentine’s day and we have to work!” he complained, grabbing a slice of bread from the table. “I can’t believe manager hyung is so evil, keeping us in on Valentine’s-” he paused. “-Yah, Chunnie-ah, are you sick?”
“Hyung… I don’t think I can make it to practice today. I hurt my waist,” Micky said apologetically, ignoring his question.
“What? What happened? How did you hurt yourself?” JaeJoong quickly asked, his eyebrows creased with worry.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s just a little strain. I’ll be alright with some rest. I’m sorry you guys will have to cancel practice because of me…” He looked up at Yunho. “I guess you’re going to have your Valentine’s day after all, hyung,” he smiled feebly.
“Ahh…” Yunho nodded. It was clear that he was trying to stop the smile that was threatening to form, but to no avail. “I’ll go and inform manager hyung then…” he said as he walked towards the living room with a little skip.
Junsu looked at Yunho’s retreating figure before turning back towards the others, looking confused. “Why is hyung so eager for Valentine’s day anyway? He doesn’t even have a girlfriend.”

Micky had been standing under the bus stop for the past half an hour, fidgeting endlessly. 5 buses had already came and left, and yet, there was still no sign of her. He was beginning to wonder if last night had actually been a dream, when the voice which had became familiar to him since last night suddenly sounded in his ear.
“I’m sorry, did you wait long?”
Micky spun around, and felt a sharp pain in his waist again. He winced.
“What does half an hour sound like to you?” He asked grumpily, annoyed.
“Well… when you’ve been waiting for something for 5 years, half an hour actually feels like one second,” she replied sweetly.
Micky rolled his eyes. “What took you so long anyway? I thought you said to meet you here at 10 in the morning?” He arched his eyebrow as he looked at her, waiting for an explanation, though he couldn’t for his life think of one.
What do ghosts do in their free time anyway? I mean… they don’t sleep… right?
“I lost track of time and overslept,” she grinned sheepishly. “Sorry.”
Micky double-took. “YOU SLEEP?!” he sputtered, staring at her incredulously. “And there I was thinking that ghosts are lucky that they don’t need any beauty sleep.”
“We don’t need to, but old habits die hard, you see.” Her grin widened.
Micky laughed. In spite of himself, his fear of her began to ebb away. In fact, although he wouldn’t admit it, he actually enjoyed her company, enjoyed talking to her, and liked her infectious laughter. Somewhere along the way last night, the warmth that never ceased to radiate from her soul had begun to thaw his frozen heart.

“So… what’s first on the list?” Micky asked when they reached the fair, pulling his fedora hat lower down his face to hide his features, just so he wouldn’t be recognized by anyone and cause havoc.
“Let’s go and take the merry-go-round!” she said happily, bouncing on her feet.
“The merry-go-round! You know, the one with horses and carriages and goes around in circles?” Her arms gestured wildly.
“I know what a merry-go-round is,” Micky snapped. “It’s a KIDDY game. I’m 22.”
“I know. That’s why I like it. Come on, you promised!” She pouted, battering her eyelashes at him.
He groaned.
What on earth have I gotten myself into?
“Oh God… fine. Let’s go for your merry-go-round then. Whoop-dee-doo-hoo!” Sarcasm creamed his fake cheer.

They took the merry-go-round 5 times, and then the ferris wheel another 5 times. Never in his life had he felt more like a kid; in fact, a wave of embarrassment washed through him every time one of the little kids on the same ride turned to stare at him. By the time they were done, Micky was beetroot red with humiliation, and hiding his face underground like ostriches do became a sore temptation.
“Oppa, let’s take the-”
“Please don’t go for another ferris wheel. Or another merry-go-round. Or anything else for that matter. I need a break,” Micky cut through her words, flopping down onto a nearby bench and rubbing his eyes, trying to stop the incessant spinning.
“I was going to say let’s take the cable car to the other side for lunch, but since you said no…” SeoHyun shrugged and looked up at the sky, whistling.
“Did you just say lunch?”
She turned to him and smiled knowingly. “I thought you didn’t want to go for anything else?”
“Yes, but then again, lunch is a totally different story. Come on, let’s go. I’m so famished I can eat a cow.”

They sat across one another by the window in the little rustic cafe up the hill, a slow melody playing softly in the background.
“This would have been romantic if I wasn’t actually here with a ghost…” Micky snorted to himself. “Valentine’s with a ghost… what a perfect story for my future grandkids. I’ll make a downright cool grandpa.”
He looked down at the mouth-watering plate of steak in front of him, and then looked back up at SeoHyun.
“Aren’t you going to eat?”
“Nope. We ghosts don’t need to eat,” she claimed proudly.
“Then what are you going to do here?”
“Stare at you.”
“Stare at me?! That’s… urh… that sounds very comfortable,” Micky said sarcastically.
“Well, atleast you won’t be eating alone.”


“Can I ask you something?”
“Fire away.”
“How did you die?”
“You can ask anything but that.”
“Hey! That’s not a reply! You said I can ask you anything!”
“Yeah, but I didn’t say I’ll reply to all of them.”

“I don’t like talking to you.”
“Because I’m too smart?”
“No. Because…. just because.”

Why do I start talking like a kid when I’m with her?


“Come on… just tell me a little bit.”
“Anything but that, Micky.”
“Just because.”
“FINE. If you’re not going to tell me… stop staring at my face, you’re scaring me.”
“You can’t tell my eyes what not to do.”
“Then I shall leave.”
“Then I’m going to haunt you for the rest of your life.”
“I’m not scared of you,” Micky lied. Seohyun broke her gaze and gave him a ‘yeah right’ look, one eyebrow raised.


“You seriously should stop staring at me, you’re freaking me out.”
“I committed suicide.”

Her reply had came so sudden and unexpected that Micky choked on his steak. He made a grab for his glass of water and gulped it down.


“5 years ago, I committed suicide by slitting my wrist.” She repeated monotonously.
Micky remained silent and still, staring at her. He was afraid to make a move, as if a slight movement will break the spell. However, she said nothing else.
“Err… is that all?” he asked tentatively when it seemed like she wasn’t going to continue her story.
“That’s all I can tell.”


“Can anyone else see you?”
“So all this time I’ve been here talking to you loudly in public…”
“To everyone else, you’re a crazy man talking to an imaginary friend. It’s a good thing, if you think about it. It helps hide your identity as a famous star.”
“Right. Good to know,” Micky replied dryly.

“Can’t you just stop looking at me for one minute?”
“Why not?”
“I’m afraid that the moment I look away, I’ll lose you.”
“I won’t run away. I made a promise, I stick to it.”
“I know you won’t. I trust you.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“It’s me I don’t have faith in. I’m afraid that the moment I look away, my memory will start to seep like running water.”


“What happens when you die?”
“You go to heaven. Or you reincarnate.”
“OHH… so it’s true? Reincarnation does happen? It’s not just another ghost myth?”
“Apparently so. Not ‘just another ghost myth’.”
“Why aren’t you reincarnated then? You’ve been dead for, what, 5 years?”
“I was waiting.”
“For what?”
“To build courage.”
“You need courage to reincarnate?! Whoa…”
SeoHyun shot him an are-you-stupid look.
“NO. I was building my courage to see you.”
“See me?!! WHY?!?!”
“Because,” Seohyun said as her brown eyes bored into Micky’s dark ones. “I loved you.”

Valentine’s wish:
3. Watch sunset by the beach.

“You only have 3 Valentine wishes?” Micky asked, as he stole a glance at the paper in SeoHyun’s hand. “This is the last one? Why so little?”
“Because… these are the 3 activities that we always did together.”
Micky looked out towards the horizon.
“Did we really once knew one another?” He asked softly.
She nodded.
“I… I can’t remember anything about it…” He said, a touch of regret in his voice.
“But you will… eventually. I trust you.”
He stared at the golden sun hanging in the sky, a golden egg yolk that brightens everything in its path. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, he knew that the end was coming soon. The end of the day when he would have to say goodbye to Seohyun, and somehow, he knew that it’d be the last time he sees her. He just didn’t want to acknowledge the fact. It was as if if he remains obstinate, she might never have to leave at all.
They sat in silence on the fine sandy beach, watching the sun sinking, as the sky turned from a golden yellow to pitch darkness, illuminated only by the crescent moon and the sheet of stars that dotted the sky.
SeoHyun turned towards Micky, and in the darkness, her eyes twinkled as bright as the distant stars.
Tears, he realised.
“Well… that’s it then. Thank you, Micky, for giving me this Valentine’s. I’m sorry… I took so much of your time.”
Micky voice caught in his throat, his struggle to push back the tears kept him from managing a reply.
He couldn’t understand the building sadness in him; afterall, he barely knows her, and hadn’t he been reluctant to be here in the first place? So what in the world was happening to him?
SeoHyun pushed herself up and stood staring down at him. Extending her right hand, she attempted a feeble smile.
“Thanks,” she expressed her gratitude once again, her voice sounding somewhat strangled. “I’ll remember this night forever… Thank you.”
Micky followed suit and pushed himself up. Slowly, he lifted up his right hand as well and reached out for hers. His hands slipped into hers, and he was surprised to find it warm and solid. His shock must have shown in his face, for SeoHyun chuckled.
“Yeah… I’m solid and not icy cold. Another ghost myth, I suppose,” she nodded intelligibly.
Micky joined in the laughter. “I guess I was watching too much of Harry Potter.”
Their laughter eventually died into the night, as they stared at one another, neither wanting to let go of the other’s hand.
Suddenly, impulsively, something inside him snapped, as if whatever that had been holding him back earlier broke, and he pulled at her hand, enveloping her into a tight embrace.
He held on tight, and slowly, he felt her arms wrap around him as well. He shivered, not from the cold, but from the knowledge of how surreal all this was. He was hugging a ghost, but yet, she felt every part as real and solid as he is, and somehow, he felt contented in her arms. There was moisture on his shoulder, and it took him a minute before he realized that she was crying her heart out. He tightened his hold, not caring if he was crushing her. He tried to think of something to say, but then, what was the use in it when they were now already at the point of no return? Somehow, he had been the reason she had stayed behind for this past 5 years, it was time to let her go. It wasn’t fair to hold her back any longer.
“Thank you… Thank you…” she sobbed. Gently pushing away from him, she looked up into his eyes, deep down into his soul. She placed a hand over where his heart is, and leaned forward. “Thank you… for granting this last wish for me, Micky… I’m sorry, and take care… You’ll always have my heart… and I’ll be with you… forever… Goodbye… Micky…” she whispered, his name sounding like a lullaby in her voice. She gingerly reached up to his face, her fingers gently tracing over his features like the tip of a featherbrush. They stopped at his lips; her fingers had by now turned icy cold. Slowly, she tiptoed and leaned onto him, her lips softly touching his.
His eyes slid shut, savouring the kiss, trying to plant into his mind this feeling forever. It felt magical, lined with sadness and lonelines at the border of it. Had he been given the chance, he wished that the whole galaxy would stop resolving at this very moment, that time would stop, and the world would freeze over. Anything, just so he can remain in this position forever.
It lasted for barely 5 seconds, and then, the touch of her lips was gone. The weight that had been leaning onto him just a second ago disappeared, the warmth of her body became cold air. All that was left of the bizarre journey was the memory of her, and the imprint of her kiss.

The day had begun to break; dawn was approaching and the the first hint of a purplish yellow glow could be seen stretched across the sky. Micky had been lying at the very same spot for the past hours, staring up at the vast expanse of blackness that threatened to engulf him, wondering if SeoHyun was up there now, laughing her infectious laughter.
A sudden shriek brought him back to his senses, and he turned to see 2 little kids running around together, a girl and a boy, both barely older than 6. He noticed their parents standing not faraway, under the very tree where he had held SeoHyun just hours ago. As he looked on at the two innocent children, running and throwing sand into the air, a memory began to stir in his mind, a long line of polaroid pictures sliding before his mind’s eye . A memory that had been locked away long ago, buried so deep into the recesses of his mind, that as the clock ticked and the Earth spun on its slanted axis, as the seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours and the hours everntually resolving into days and years, he had forgotten about its very existence. A memory of many years ago when he was still surrounded by innocence, and shared a life with his best friend and sweetheart, SeoHyun.
Their lives had crosspathed one day when they were 5, both brought to the beach by their parents for a picnic. At that young age, they had became instant friends. The close bond they shared strengthened when they both went to the same kindergarten, and then the same elementary school, and soon enough, they were inseperable, as if they were siamese twins stuck together at the hips. But, fate wasn’t through with them, and the two young soulmates were cast to opposite ends of the world when Micky was brought over to America at the age of 10. Lonely and lost, fueled by the heartbreaking fact that she never contacted him in any way, he begun to shun her aside in his memory, and it wasn’t long before he forgot entirely who she was.
He slumped back down onto the sand, weighed down by his sudden realization. He was ashamed, that unlike him, his childhood sweetheart had never forgotten him afterall. The sudden sense of loss spread through him like a series of never-ending waves, each time more intense than the last, threatening to drown him, and before he knew it, he was desperately gasping for air. A drop of water dropped onto his palm; he had started to cry, the tears coming in torrents.
His heart ached, the very heart that had been transplanted into him 5 years ago, the powerhouse behind his very existence.
SeoHyun died 5 years ago… She comitted suicide and died 5 years ago…
At the same time when I was dying…
What are the odds that the heart I’m carrying now is actually her heart?
Like a little booklet, he started leafing through every conversation they had had in the past 24 hours, looking for clues and piecing the missing pieces together.
She said that I will always have her heart… Had she meant it literally as well?
The realization that she had died to give him life, that the very heart keeping him alive right now and part of the blood that is pulsating through his veins had once been in her body, was too much to take in. The knowledge of it was so painful, so sickening and overwhelming, that Micky began to puke. It was so overbearing, so shocking, that he didn’t even know how to cry; he had ran out of tears and felt numb of emotions. He looked at his hands; was it his imagination or were they covered with blood? SeoHyun’s blood?
I killed her… I killed her…
I’m a murderer…
Because of me… she’s not here anymore…
I’m sorry, SeoHyun… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…
He puked again, as thin trails of tears slowly made their way down his cheeks.
When there was nothing left to puke, he looked up at the sky. Cupping his hands around his mouth, he screamed at the top of his lungs, letting his emotions run wild, letting his anger out at the whole world, at God, at himself, for playing with his life this way. He screamed until his began to throat hurt and he ran out of breath. He screamed, until he could scream no more.
And then, in a daze, he stumbled home, back to the boys, the one place where he knew he’d soon be able to heal with time.

The door opened and Micky tumbled through it into the arms of Junsu who quickly steadied him.
“Chunnie, are you alright? Where did you go last night?! We were worried!”
At the thought of last night, pictures of SeoHyun clouded into his mind once more, threatening to drown him. This time, in the arms of his best friend who was more like a brother than anything else, the dam broke and he began to cry out loud. The other three boys quickly came to see what was happening, and when they discovered the sobbing Micky, they surrounded him in a group hug. They kept quiet, letting him cry his sorrow until there was nothing left in him. His sobs pierced through the otherwise silent room, saturated with pain and regret. They remained in that position for hours, until Micky ran out of tears and exhaustion takes a toll on him, dragging him into deep slumber.
He felt at home in the arms of his friends, and his emotions were finally back on leashes. He hadn’t gotten over the fact that he had killed his first love, and his heart was still punctured with gaping holes, but atleast, the holes had stopped growing, and his soul had finally stopped leaking away. The scars will be there to stay forever, but he knew, with his friends around him, he’ll be okay. Eventually. He knew, with genuine certainty, that whatever it is that happens, the four of them will always be there for him. And for that, he is forever grateful.
I remember you now, SeoHyun…
Forgive me… for not remembering you earlier…
He’ll heal with time, he knows he will.
SeoHyun had given up her life for him, and for her, he’ll live a fulfilling life. He swore not to let her down, not to let her sacrifice be in vain. For her, he’d live, strong and happy, always.
Despite everything that happened, SeoHyun’s soul will always be with him, in his heart, the heart that they shared, flowing through him every second of the day, closer than ever. A part of her will always be fused to him, their souls intertwined. And for him, that was more than enough.
Be happy, SeoHyun… take care.


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