This is a fic that was inspired by shirly’s work in CSSPF…
Shirly, this is for you~~~
Thank you for inspiring me~~
I hope this is good enough, as I wrote this while finishing my assignments…
Here it goes~ please enjoy~~
“I’m not doing this because I love you.”
That was the last sentence that came from his mouth, right after we said our vows.
I was often left alone at night, as he preferred to stay at his old apartment, along with his other 4 friends. He said that he was too tired to drive home. But I knew it was just a lie, a cover, just to avoid me, who destroyed his love life.
I did not ask for this, Yunho. Appa… he was the one who made the promise between our families. Don’t you think I deserve to explain myself too?
Tonight was the same like the last ones, and I suppose it will continue in the next ones. After taking a shower, I sat at the glass dinner table right in the middle of our apartment, and ate dinner. Alone. I munched the carrot slowly, swallowing hard as I think about the future of my marriage with him.
My gaze lingered to every corner of the room, trying to ignore the awful silence that engulfed it, and also every corner of my heart. There wasn’t much furniture in this house, except for the basic necessities like a set of sofa, a television, the glass dining set, kitchen cabinets and wares, and a simple set of bed with a cupboard, which only contained my clothes.
He never stayed long. Even if he stopped by, it was just to prevent his mother from nagging him. He slept on the couch, and never went inside our room. He even took his showers at his old apartment.
The feeling of being ignored became like everyday game. Each day, I would measure how much he ignored me that day. So far, the valentine’s day was the champion.
After cleaning up, I went to the living room and turned on the television.
There he is, singing and dancing, doing what he does best. He looked so happy. But why was he never like that with me?
Am I not good enough?
The question was never answered. I turned off the television, and resolved to turn in early that night when I heard the sound of keys entering the keyhole.
Here comes my nightmare.
“I’m home.” He said just as a greeting. There was nothing else, no pecks on the cheeks or light kisses on my tender lips. He did not kiss me even once after our wedding. Let alone being together in bed…
“Welcome home.” I smiled, and took his coat for him and hanged it. As usual, my smile was never appreciated, and my presence could be easily compared with the presence of a caterpillar. He tried his best to get away from me, and disappeared into the kitchen.
I could hear the sound of the fork and spoon hitting the surface of the plate as he ate the dinner that I had served everyday for him. Very often, they will only rest in the dustbin rather than in his stomach.
I took a seat in front of him, keeping him company while he ate his dinner. I tried to steal even one gaze into his beautiful eyes, but he avoided easily. He never lifted up his face and kept looking down onto his food. I sighed softly.
Why don’t you try to understand me, Yunho? I want to be a butterfly in your eyes, not just a mere caterpillar. Small and ewy. I want to be the rose in your heart, beautifying it, at the same time protecting it with my thorns. I want to be the only one in your heart, no one else’s. Don’t you want to hear what my heart wants to say?
As usual, I left the door to our room unlocked and open. Patiently, I waited while lying on the bed in case if he changed his mind tonight. My heartbeat raced with the slightest noise that erupted in the dark, imagining the possibility of him accepting me as a wife.
But of course, he never went in.
Tomorrow morning, he would just disappear without any note, just an envelope full of money for the month’s bills and supplies. I looked at it with the corner of my eye, before getting ready for work.
No more tears. No more sobs in the middle of the night. No more asthma attacks that he never took the liberty to know about. No more.
“Are you okay?”
I looked at Hana and nodded slowly. After that, I continued typing, despite the continuous gaze that she gave me.
Come on, Hana. I do not want to talk about it…
She seemed to have read my mind, and left me alone with my work. I’m a secretary to the Chief of South Korean division of the company, and there were still so much documents to re-edit. I’m just a plain girl with good brains and a very stern father. And that landed me here.
The intercom beeped and his voice came through.
“Hana, come into my office. Now.”
Judging by his tone, the matter was very important. After straightening up myself, I knocked and went inside with his diary at hand.
“We will be having dinner with Yunho’s parents tonight. You can go back early and get dressed for it. Be in your finest tonight, understand?” He said this without looking up from the files that were flooding his table. Some were also threatening to fall off.
“That is all. Bring me a cup of coffee in 5 minutes.”
How pathetic is that?? Even my father did the same. Am I that worthless in the eyes of the men that I loved?
It’s night again. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, and complimented myself.
I wore my favourite sapphire dress, where the neckline went low, but not too low until my lumps could be seen. My bare back was covered with my white shawl, and I let my hair loose with its soft curles at the bottom, nearly reaching my waist. I went for a natural look, but with a darker lip colour to compliment the dress. My heels, they were the ones I wore during our wedding.
I wonder if he’ll ever notices.
His silver BMW stopped at the entrance to the building as I looked down from my window. My phone rang, and I took my time answering it.
Yes, I knew you’re here, my dear… I walked towards the door, ready to turn the doorknob when the door suddenly flew open, revealing two men with masks. The phone was still at my ear, as I asked the men,
“Who are you? What do you want?!”
“We want everything, m’lady…” Answered one of the men with his evil grin. They took out their knives and pointed them. The shining sharp edges reflected the light from the apartment. I was scared.
They started to close in on me, and I quickly backed away and ran all the way to the bedroom.
“Stop!! Get away from me!!!!”
“There’s nowhere you can hide, pretty lady….”
“Just take what you want and go!!!”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, miss… There’s NOTHING in here, except YOU that are valuable to us now…”
Yunho threw aside his phone and went out of his car. Without waiting for the elevator, he rushed upstairs, skipping two steps each time with his long legs. He held his breath, as he pushed open the already ajar door to his apartment with Soo Jin.
“Help!! No! Take your hands off me!!!” Pleaded Soo Jin.
I had never felt so relieved upon hearing his voice. At last, do I still hold some value in his heart? His presence gave me strength to struggle harder, to break free from the men whom already had their hands on the zip of my dress.
“Let… go… of… ME!!!”
I used all the strength that was left in me in that last struggle. But, being a woman, my power couldn’t be compared with two men. Their grip on me didn’t even loose an inch. My effort was useless, and I resorted to my last hope.
“Yunho!! I’m in the bedroom!!!”
I hope he hears me… I silently prayed that he will come… to rescue me… He’s my hero…
“Yah!!! You bi***!! You think that pussy of your husband will be able to help you?!!”
Signalling with his head, the shorter man motioned the skinnier one to take care of Yunho. Before his friend left us, he pushed something black into the other’s hands. Without much effort, I could guess what it was.
My eyes widened with fear. Not the fear of the gun, but the fear of the thought that Yunho might get hurt because of me. Though he never show any emotion, any respect towards me as a wife, I still loved this man.
A wife’s love for a husband who never loved her back.
“Don’t you hurt my husband!!”
“Oh, little missy… I think you shouldn’t worry much about him…”
My hands were tightly tied to my back, as he let my body lay on the floor. He looked longingly into my curves, and I could swear I saw a drool escaping from the corner of his lips. I shook my head, trying to find anything to cover my body, even though the dress was still intact to my body.
“I’ll pleasure you tonight, my dear…”
He closes in on me and pulled away the blanket that I managed to pull from the floor to use as my body cover. A pearl of tear escaped my eye, as he tried to pull my dress off despite my continuous struggling.
Suddenly, I heard a loud bang. My pearl of tear turned into a river of tears. Many images came to my mind upon hearing the loud bang, but one thing scared me the most. That sound could only mean one thing:
Yunho had been shot.
I should be happy that my miserable life with him will end, but the tears of my heart couldn’t be hidden anymore. I cried not because I was sad, but I cried because I loved him.
“Looks like your husband is dead now… No one else is going to save you…”
His whisper was as bad as his breath was. I tried hard to keep my clothes on me, but he kept rummaging into my dress. His rough hands contaminated me, and my tears never stopped flowing. He seemed to enjoy himself when suddenly,
A second shot was heard. His expression changed that instant. He stopped his action and pulled my hair hard, forcing me to look into his eyes.
“Your son of a bi*** husband is a real nuisance.”
Pushing me altogether, he went out of the room to get to Yunho. As soon as he went out of the room, I searched for something sharp to cut the rope that he used to tie me with. After using the scissors, I pulled back the straps of my dress onto my shoulders and wiped away the tears with the back of my hand.
Yunho… Please be safe, my dear…
I walked closer and closer to the dining area, where struggles could be heard between the two men left alive. My tears would not stop, no matter how I tried, as I continue to observe the scene in front of me. The heavens had answered my prayers.
“You da** bast***!!! Leave my wife alone!!!”
Yunho was still alive. And he fought, for me.
The gun was thrown far from the ring of battle, landed onto the cream-coloured sofa. The skinnier intruder was lying in a pool of blood, his blood with his face down on the floor. I was about to get the gun when suddenly the short intruder ran towards me, and held my neck between his hands.
Sensing that he would lose the battle with a man more muscular and stronger than him, the intruder strangled my neck as I was the weaker victim. My breathing tunnels were blocked, and I suffocated. Being an asthmatic woman, the condition became worse, even after he had released me when Yunho punched him hard into his stomach and kicked him aside.
“Soo Jin?! Soo Jin!!”
My body was shaken, but my vision blurred with every word that I tried to utter, between voiceless lips.
Yunho…I love you…
Yunho caressed my face and brought it onto his lap. His gaze never left me, as I struggled for my breath. He wiped my tears, as his own fell onto my face. It was salty, the tears of a heartbroken man.
“I’m sorry, Soo Jin…”
Past Yunho’s head, I saw a glint of something pointed towards us. I could not see it clearly, but I could sense danger for Yunho’s life. Without any hesitation, I mustered the last breath in me to push him down and get him out of harm’s way.
The bullet pierced through my heart, and it bled, just like it bled before this. The difference was that this time, the blood was real. And red. It stained Yunho’s white suite as he tried to stop my bleeding after finishing the last intruder with a good blow on the head. He would not be able to see light for some time, at least not until the police would come and take him away.
“Soo Jin… Hang in there…”
“I’m here, Soo Jin… Don’t leave me…”
“I… love you… Mianhe…”
“Soo Jin?? Soo Jin!!!!”
His screams echoed through the empty apartment, before he could fill it with love and happiness. He was too late. He had lost his first love, his only love. He regretted his lies. He regretted everything.
He held onto my lifeless body like it was a treasure, and embraced it tightly in his arms. It was his first touch on me, if only I could feel… His tears flowed continuously as he caressed my face, putting it closer to his. He kissed my cold lips, over and over again, making up for the lost kisses between us. Even the heavens cried, as the rain started to pour down, grieving upon our miserable fate…
A red velvet box dropped out of his pocket and rolled on the floor. It opened itself, revealing a diamond ring, the ring I never had for my wedding. He held my bare hand, slipping on the ring as my fingers lay motionless in his care. He kissed my hand,
“Goodbye my love… My bride…”
She never left my mind, and heart since that day. I never got the chance to tell her the truth, to set things straight again. I still keep our picture during our childhood times beside our wedding picture in my wallet, which I looked and savoured every waking second of my life. I love you, Soo Jin, but I couldn’t show it to you… I musn’t…
I know you’re talked into this, and this was not your heart’s desire. You were forced to marry me, to love me. I do not want that, my love. That’s why I kept myself away, to give you the freedom to find your true love, just as I did, with you. To love is to let go… I did not hate you. I loved you too much.
I never got the chance to set things right again, to confess my love to her. That fateful night was supposed to be my happiest night, where I would be with my love forever, having kids… But those intruders… They’ve destroyed it all!! They took away my happiness when they took away her life. Now there’s nothing left in me, except the amount of love that I have for her and the equal amount of pain that I have to endure for losing her…
A drop of tear smudged the ink, making the diary entry slightly blurred. He had written this many times, for everyday, but his feeling of loneliness without her by his side never went away. Now he realised, he had lost his butterfly, stained by blood, making it red…