I’m Yours… [nukimiaka]

Hello everyone~
I’ve written my first ever oneshot n i wanna share with all of u… Hope u can give me some comments so dat i can better improve my writing in the future~ ^^
Here goes~ ^^

June

I looked at her from faraway, wishing that she could be mine someday. Those beautiful smile, lovely eyes and smooth puffy lips… I kept on dreaming about her day by day. I have spent many sleepless nights just wishing that I will dream about her when I closed my eyes, even just for tonight. Her figure kept on dancing in front of me, making my heart beats faster. It has always worried me if she’s not around, not anywhere where I can see her, observe her, and admire her from afar. How I wished I could come closer and talk to her. How I wished I got enough courage to step forward and tell her how I felt about her, before it’s too late… too late to turn back the time. Oh God… Please let me have that courage before I lose her forever. I beg you, please…

July

Why is that guy approaching her?? I hate you, God… You’re taking her away from me. How could you leave me here just regretting myself, yet you freely let that other guy sweep her away from me that easily? Where is the courage You promised to lend me? Where is the messenger, who will send my love to her through the blowing wind? Why are you being so unfair? How could you do this to me when you now my heart bleed not daring to do anything? It’s aching so badly for not being able to love freely. You realised that, don’t you!!

How could you let her receive another love… when the one I have is purely for her, just waiting for her arrival? With open arms, dear God, I am willing to give away my life if it is not meant to be spent with her. My whole life would only lead to an empty corpse. I could just disappear…

August

Am I too small to be noticed? Even the Almighty God refuses to see me, sitting in this little corner trying to figure out how is best to make all this pain go away. My heart feels so full of love and it keeps pushing the walls of my heart, demanding to be set free to find its rightful place, somewhere in the heart of a girl I have long desired for. Pearly tears kept on falling and ruined my complexion, trying to soothe my feelings, telling me that everything will be OK and that they will always be there for me no matter what happens. How I wish I could just be those tears and flow freely when the time comes, and just ignore everything else when I’m not needed.

September

A note for me? A smile carved on my face. It is so beautifully done and even scented with the smell of roses from the best gardens in the world. I cherished that moment’s joy that I have long forgot how it felt like. Slowly, with trembling fingers, I opened them. I scanned for the bottom of the note in search for the signature, though I can’t make out what it says. I wasn’t able to see clearly. I wonder what has gotten into my eyes. Maybe it’s tears. I tried to wipe them away and I think it says there: Waiting for you, Yoo Jin :heart: Paused… Yoo Jin? How could that possibly be? Could this be that moment? The moment where I have always dreamed off jumping around with happiness?? I smiled even broader. Somehow I can feel something inside me is beginning to find a way out, after being locked for a long time. I began to read the whole note after settling myself down under a shady tree. My heart full of unconditional love…

Dear Changmin,

Have I startled you somehow?
I’m sorry for not being able to say this to you face to face…
I’m afraid that I could not control myself in front of you since I don’t know what you actually felt about me…
I’m scared that suddenly, I will run into your arms without being assured that you will have them opened wide accepting me…
And I’m afraid that in the end you wouldn’t be able to return the love I have long felt for you…
I would make a total fool of myself by then…
Yes, Changmin-ah…
I think this is love that I am feeling…
And I do hope that you can accept them…
And that you can save some of yours for me to keep…
I’ll always be here waiting for you to come and claim me…
Please don’t make me wait too long…
I don’t think my heart can bare with the pain any longer…

Waiting for you,
Yoo Jin

There is no doubt that the wet feeling on my cheeks are the welcoming greet from my own tears of joy. It seems to agree with my own happy feeling, the feel of getting what I really wanted for the first time in my life. I refolded the note and kept it safe in my shirt pocket, sniffing again the scent of roses before it gets mixed with my own.

Five years later

Things have been going really well with me and Yoo Jin for the past five years of our beautiful relationship. We have managed to get through the hard times together. Her determination and love towards me has really gained my respect. She has bare the fact of being the girlfriend of one of the members of the most popular pop group in Korea. She has patiently bare the lonely times when I had to go work in Japan. She has also maturely bare all the criticisms that were set towards her, assured that she will have my love forever. All these have made my love for her to bloom even more. All these… have made me come to a firm decision, to make her mine forever.

A month later

I have planned the best proposal for the girl of my dreams, my soul mate. I have always wanted to let the whole world know that I am in love, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the girl I have desired for the longest time in my whole life. It was a miracle how she came into my life, and due to that I wanted it to be a miracle for her too to have the most envied proposal of the history of proposals in the whole wide world!

Days later…

It was a really fine day today. It seems that God is back at my side after all, helping me to get through with this well-planned proposal with calm and love. Thank you, God! Thank you so much for giving me all these chances, all these love and all these opportunities!!! I owe you my life, dear God! Please let this run smoothly and please… please make her say yes!

We, Dong Bang Shin Ki, went on stage for the first time after 1 year and 7 months being away from our homeland. We performed the main track of our latest album, Mirotic with full spirit and anticipation. We will never let the Cassiopeias down, and we don’t want this time to be the first. I have made sure that Yoo Jin came to the comeback performance, as she always did accompany me to almost every performance that I have to attend except the ones held in Japan. The kind-hearted manager has also prepared to best spot for her to watch the performance from down below.

Following the queue of the agenda, my hyungs already knew what to do. The moment we finished singing ‘Love in the Ice’, which I composed based on the feelings I have for her and how it might feel if the situation happens to me, Yunho-hyung called upon her name to be on stage. Taking this shock, she was kind of reluctant to come up. I was getting a bit worried and even more nervous. I clutched firmly on the red velvet box where a diamond ring resides. Cold sweats start to flow from my face. I prayed hard for this moment to fly off quickly and successfully. The moment she stepped onto the stage, I can hear cries from below but I can’t make out what they say. All I can hear is my own heartbeat pumping hard and my face getting hotter each moment. I stepped forward to her and offered my hand which she happily accepted with an I-missed-you-so-much smile carved clearly on her face. I let my hyungs do all the explaining-to-the-audiences stuff while I took that privilege to scan deep through her eyes and to enjoy the sweet smile she is giving me so that I can lock them safely in my heart.

At last, it’s time… I kneeled down in front of her and took hold of her soft hands with my right and the ring safely on the other. Consequently, I heard loud noises again from down below but I still can’t make out if it is a cheer or a protest. Well, I don’t care. “Will you do the honour of marrying me, Yoo Jin dear?” at last those words came firmly out of my mouth. I felt so relieved that I can’t stop smiling sheepishly. I can see that she is smiling too, so I waited for the word ‘yes’ to come out of her pink, glossy lips. Though, it was not as I expected. Instead, not being able to say anything due to shock, she nodded meaningfully and a non-stop grin filled her beautiful face. I quickly pulled her into my arms where she embraced me back tightly. I wondered, do girls usually hug this tight after agreeing to a proposal? Nonetheless, I return her the favour and hugged her as tight. “I love you so much!” she said. “No matter what happens I will always love you. I will always be by your side no matter where I am,” she spoke so soft that I really have to concentrate on her voice. I knew tears have rolled down her face as I can feel them falling warm on me. As warm as the feeling of joy in my heart right now. I can’t stop grinning myself. At last, she will be mine forever…

Suddenly, out of notice, I heard a loud BANG from somewhere. Before I could react, Yoo Jin has already loosened her grip on me. I did the same too so that she can move around freely after the long embrace. At that very instant, suddenly we were pulled in by the security guards, to find cover for I-don’t-know-what. However, as I was reaching out for her again, she had already fallen down onto the stage floor, motionless. My whole world blurred. “YOO JIN!!!!!” I screamed out loud. I… I… Wh… Wha…. What’s happening..? What’s happening around here???! Somebody tell me!!! How could my fiancée suddenly laid motionless on the ground right after she agreed to one of the most important thing in life? In… In… In my life?!!!!! Why??!!!!!!!! I can feel that the whole world is closing down on me. I can’t seem to find anything to grab on to. My heart stopped pumping. I can’t feel my own emotions anymore! It seems to have gone to somewhere unknown, somewhere that is hard to get it back. As one of my bodyguards pulled me forcefully, I quickly grabbed the motionless body into my arms and carried her inside. My whole outfit was drenched in red. I’m confused…

I laid her down carefully on the sofa in the room where all of the members have gathered. I don’t care about anyone else anymore. I cried my heart out the moment I saw the rush of blood that is coming from her body. I scanned through her clothes to find the right spot it hit even when my eyes where now extremely blurry. My hands trembled as it caressed her smooth, bloody skin. There it is… There is that little devil… My tears fall down even more furiously. I refuse to accept it… I totally cannot accept this very fact that is already firm in my hands. I know I have no other choice, and I have no other way out. With that, my heart started to ache while I pretended that nothing happened. I took the diamond ring and placed it on her pale, motionless finger. Tears rolling down from my eyes, my heart shattered to pieces, and half of me have already gone with the wind. I hold her tight in my arms for the last time as if to bring back the heat of her body. But no matter how tight it was, I knew she will never come back.

Somebody patted my shoulder. I totally ignored my surrounding until the owner of the hands voiced out, “she left this note for you when she arrived here. I couldn’t give it to you since you were already up front by then.” I took the red envelope from his hands. I can smell the familiar scent of roses from it. My mind somehow went back to the moments when it once started our relationship. I carefully opened the note. The blood stuck on my hands doesn’t really ruin the note since both colours are the same anyway. I can feel my whole body tremble and I am somehow reluctant to open the note, since I know this will be the last I will ever read. The last note from my first love…

Dear Changmin Oppa,

I hope you are doing fine right now…
I wish you all the best for your first comeback performance today…
I’m so happy that all of you are doing so well even after 4 years in the industry…
Send my regards to the others…
How I missed them so much nowadays…

Oppa, I have something to tell you…
I’m sorry for not letting you know this much earlier…
But I don’t want to disturb your busy schedule with something like this…
However I feel like you must know about this before it’s too late…
So I choose to tell you now…

Do you remember the guy who wanted to be my boyfriend a long time ago?
The one who pushed me to make the decision to confess my love to you just to prove to him that I am already in love with someone else, just to make him go away, which then made me realise that I should have done that much earlier if I just knew that you loved me too…?
Do you remember him? Yea… I know you would…
He came back into my life…
He knew you weren’t around all that often anymore lately and he threatened me to return to his side…
Or he will have something bad happen to you the moment you return…
I’m worried oppa… I’m worried about you…
What should I do? Suddenly I’m afraid…

I’ll be waiting at the back door entrance when everything ends…
Let’s have a candlelight dinner…
Wow… How I missed watching your smile and laughter again…
Have fun on stage Oppa~ ^^
I’ll always be watching over you…

Lots of love,
Yoo Jin

She sounded so innocent which made me miss her even more. We didn’t even have the chance to meet each other yet when I came back to Korea this time. I cried uncontrollably and screamed my heart out up to the point where all the other members of Dong Bang Shin Ki rushed to my side and gave me a group hug and patted me continuously wishing that I will calm down. Until now only noticed that everyone is crying so badly too. I folded the note firmly again and bring it near to my nose. How I wish this smell won’t fade forever, like the love that I have for her which will remain for eternity. My whole body shook and I swear I could have gone blind for crying too much. Yet the tears refused to stop. While my heart holed, my mind searched for all the memories that we had together. ‘Yoo Jin-ah, wait for me… Fulfil your last words and I will claim you as my own when we meet again in heaven. You ARE my fiancée after all.’ With those last wishes, my whole world went blank. My body felt so light and the world seems so far away. At the far end I can see a familiar figure waving at my direction, as if saying Goodbye…

Yoo Jin, I Love You…

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