Another ‘short’ (yeah right) fic i whipped out. 7 pages of Microsoft Word in 3 or 4 hours. So you’ll understand if it’s bad, no?
Title: When Su Stumbles..
Pairing: SuMin (small, small, SMALL mentions of Jae, Yunho and Yoochun)
Length: 3 shot? O.o
Junsu clapped his hands enthusiastically.
But Changmin stiffened.
“So Junsu was feeling all confident with his English; he went around during the photoshoot mumbling in the language. Then he kinda yelled to the foreign women near us, “Hey I want you! Do you want me?” Yoochun expressed with mirth, glancing at the Kamo next to him who was doubled over covering his face.
Laughter ensues in the room.
“Then I asked him, Yah Su, do you know what Tomorrow means? He went all nuts on me, getting mad. I was like, hey, I only asked if you know what Tomorrow means? He looked at me and said, it means Frozen!” Yoochun cackled further, setting the room alive with chortles.
But Changmin SAW.
“Hyung, did you notice Junsu-hyung was kinda weird today?” Changmin casually threw the question to his Umma-slash-hyung-slash-confidante after the clan was back in their home-sweet-home.
If there’s anybody who’s observant enough, it HAD to be Jae-hyung.
Jaejoong took his sweet time slowly and carefully to ponder the question over….
..and returned a nonchalant nod.
“So?” Min was miffed at the indifference.
“So? You want me to butt in when he’s emotionally insecure?”
Don’t we ALL butt in when dear chingu is emotionally insecure?
“Don’t give me that look, Min. He’ll talk when he’s ready. Now shoo-shoo, I wanna grab something to eat.”
“Eh?” Is there any connection between food and Min? (a/n: I think we ALL know, LOLs)
“Yes Min, SHOO-SHOO. Otherwise somehow MY food will slip into YOUR mouth.” The elder gave an all-knowing wink.
Min lazily dragged his feet across the floor as he shuffled out of the spotless kitchen, just to piss his hyung, just for fun.
Changmin wandered aimlessly. He stole a glance at HoSu’s room. The Appa had muttered discretely about needing a new cartridge and disappeared to god-knows-where.
Yoochun-hyung? Min heard a distinct laugh from the balcony. Then he picked up a whiny tone. Pergh, the greasy guy must be on the phone with his Umma.
Min smirked. God knows how Yoochun can turn out to be his hyung, what with all the antics.
He flopped onto the comfy sofa, turned on the telly with his right foot (legs teetering dangerously over Yunho’s favourite glass vase; with the pair of legs on the verge of turning jell-o with the struggle to reach the ON knob) and sighed quite loudly at the show aired. Damn. Nothing good.
I shouldn’t have turned the box on. I should’ve just stayed at the kitchen with Jae-hyung. I should just go crash into Junsu-hyung’s room. This house is too quiet when YunJae’s quiet. This house is too quiet when YooSu’s quiet. This house is too quiet when there’s no eun-kyang-kyang laugh echoing, pissing us all.
So Min did what he thought he should do.
He tiptoed to Junsu-hyung’s room.
Junsu never felt this suffocated. He logged into his fanclub site; only to see one single thread growing alarmingly fast. The thread discussed, in great length, how he, Kim Junsu is getting lesser and lesser airtime in shows.
Fans expressed regret; they wanted to listen to him babble on and on. They wanted to listen to him laugh his famous Dolphinnie laugh. They wanted the old Kim Junsu, so angelic and confident, to come back.
Because he stumbled in that one show. And he stuttered in another 2 or 3 shows. And he kept quiet after that, giving one-word replies.
Junsu lost his confidence. Somehow, somewhere, he lost that confidence. He felt as helpless as per experienced when he lost his voice couple of years ago.
Was the expectation too great?
Junsu sighed. He wasn’t in any mood to entertain anyone. He could barely entertain himself.
Junsu turned to see a head poking in. Min’s head.
Junsu smiled a little.
“I think so too.”
“Watcha doin’ hyung?”
“Can I count with you?”
“Yah! My sheep is MY sheep, and your sheep is YOUR sheep!”
“Eheh. Yeah right. Can.. can I come in?”
“Come to mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, dongsaeng-ah.”
Maybe Min can cheer me up?
“Do you know what ‘treading on dangerous waters’ mean?”
Min kept his head securely down; pretending to be absorbed in the video they’re watching off Junsu’s laptop.
Five in the Black Concert. How cliché.
“Are you planning to humiliate me like Chun did?”
The pair was lying on their stomachs, both absorbed (as if!) in the concert. The bed sagged a little, single bed wasn’t supposed to be inhabited by TWO occupants for a long period of time.
Min turned around slightly. He peered to the guy who laid to his right.
“Don’t look at me, Min. Keep your eyes to the screen.”
“Curiosity kills the cat.”
“WHOA! That’s the first time you quote that correctly, hyung! Man, you’ve improved SO much~”
“Keep your eyes to the damn screen, Min.”
“I will, if you tell me whether you know what ‘treading on dangerous waters’ mean.”
“It means you freaken stop butting into dangerous matters that you shouldn’t know.”
“Stop treading on dangerous waters, Min.”
“And why am I not surprised at all to that reply?”
“Because I’m your lovely dongsaeng. And hyungs are supposed to be strong, I know, but there’s time when you need to spill.”
“You want me to spill it, Min?”
“I’m right here. Am not going anywhere. Proud of your love~~” Min sang the line with a pained feeling in his chest.
“Don’t give me that BS, Min.”
“I don’t BS anyone, hyung.”
Silence choke me to death, Min.
“The two shells I picked up.. Once again the miracle of being able to meet you… If you let me be by your side…The inside of my heart will begin to have kind feelings..” Min sang softly. As smooth as he could, as thousands of invisible knives pierced at his heart.
Don’t make me cry, Min. It’ll just get ugly.
“Why are you being like this??”
“What?” Min hated the monotonous and one-word reply.
The laptop lay forgotten in front of them.
“Why are you being so selfish???”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious. Go reward yourself with some strawberries in the fridge for making a correct observation.”
Go away, Min. I mean it. Before I break.
“I won’t leave.”
“Hell you should.”
Long hands stretched out and suddenly the laptop was shut.
“For once, listen to your overly-matured dongsaeng, hyung.” Min rolled his eyes.
Still, Min pulled the smaller man into a suffocating hug.
– Am I doing the right thing? Hyung’s stiffened.
– Get away from me, you idiot.
– Hell no.
– Hell yes.
“Now, spill it.”
Small sobs reverberated within the hug. Min kept his face expression as normal as he could. Inside, he’s dying.
His hyung, so small, so frail, so vulnerable.
“Did you ever feel crushed, Min?”
Don’t answer me, Min. I don’t want to know.
“I thought I’m strong. I laugh. I smile. But hell I’m not. Deep down there’s this frustration. What if I fail? What if I don’t perform? What if I ruin it?”
“Hyung, don’t worry. I’m human, and last time I checked, you’re human too. I don’t expect you to be perfect; because neither am I. How many times have I butchered our performances? Don’t cry, because you’re killing me. Don’t hide, you’re pushing me away. Don’t stay silent, you’re hurting me.”
“Yea, the expectation is really big. But the Junsu-hyung I knew said that Mirotic is the album he’s confident about. Because it represents DongBangShinKi. Because it represents what he likes. What WE like. Because it makes him strong.”
Sobs grew louder.
“Stop this hyung. You’re gonna make me cry too.” Min chuckled lightly. A small fist met his abs.
“Can we stay like this?” Small voice met Min’s ear.
“If you want to.”
“Min, I’m not strong.” Min thought his heart would break further.
“And I don’t expect you to. I just want you to realize that you have us. We complement each other. Heck, you’re welcome if you need my hugs. Anytime, hyung. If I can’t help solve your problem, at least I want to be there when you need me.”
Junsu sniggered amidst the tears. His fingers traced invisible patterns and shapes on the arms still entwined protectively around his shoulders. The arms didn’t react to his ticklish gesture.
“You sound like some kind of shrink, Min. Please stop watching Oprah. There’s no subtitles anyway. You can’t possibly understand what the lady’s talking about.”
“I told you I like ladies who have good English.”
Both of them giggled like school-girls.
“Min, you’re good with this.”
“Making me feel better.”
“Can I sleep?”
“With all do respect, hyung. Go ahead.”
“Can you stay?”
“I told you, I’m going nowhere.”
“Can you kiss my boo-boo?”
“Kiss my boo-boo. Right here.” Junsu put on his cutest pout and pointed to his pale forehead.
“Here goes nothing.”
A small kiss, and Junsu drifted into sleep, as easy as THAT.
Changmin totally understood. He was there, once upon the time. He worried that he’s not fit to be part of the family he’d been with for 5 years. He worried that it was all a BIG FAT MISTAKE.
He’d gone through it all.
He messed up with his dance steps. He went off-tune with his lines. He fell midway a song. He felt that it all felt wrong, SO wrong.
Like how he’s not supposed to be part of this fun thing. Part of DongBangShinKi.
Like how he was not QUALIFIED to be part of the deal. Like how he was the biggest threat; the thing that will burst the big happy bubble.
He was once the tall kid, no other recognition can be given.
He’d been there.
Poor Junsu-hyung, he must’ve been SO afraid.
Fear not, hyung, your overly-matured dongsaeng is here to save you. Don’t be afraid. We’ll come through this together.
We deserve this life. We deserve this love. We deserve this friendship.