ENTRY 7 : Come Back To Me

Oh, God. Please, not again. Please let me be able to arrive on time this time…

“Yoochun, you forgot the present!”

“Oh! Thanks.”

I stormed out of the dressing room, clutching hard to the small wrapped package. People were congratulating each other for the success of the performances as I was rushing down the hall. I have no time to be mingled among this sea of reporters and representatives from whatever companies when the trust of my wife upon me is at stake. It’s enough that I’ve caused her broken-hearts.

I peeked at my watch hoping that the road will be less busy tonight. With haste, I stepped on the accelerator and released the hand-brakes. The car jolted hard but my mind was too full of my promise that I became unconscious upon things that are happening around me. This could be my last chance.

The bowtie was starting to choke me. I released one hand from the wheel and loosen the tie from my neck. My head started to spin. Perhaps this make-up’s scent wasn’t being too friendly. Do make-ups have scents? God, why is the car moving too slowly!

Yoochun, you need to calm down. Take a deep breath. You are not late. It had only been an hour over. In fact, this will be the earliest of the records you’ve ever made!

Damn it!!

“Suyeon-ah,” I called out as I threw the keys onto the coffee table. “I’m home…”

The house was too quiet. I looked upstairs in the hope to see her coming down to greet me as always. I walked over to the dining room instead only to be greeted by the already-cold dishes and worn-out candles. The wine was there but the ice bucket was now filled with plain water. Suyeon-ah, you’ve always knew that I might not turn up at all, but you still…

“Suyeon? Where are you?”

I threw my jacket on the floor and rushed upstairs. This doesn’t look so good. Please don’t do anything foolish, baby. I’m here now. I’ve kept my promise!

The bedroom door was closed shut. I stood before it and prepared myself for whatever I had to do. With a trembling heart, I turned the doorknob and pushed my way through.

It was dark. The only light visible came from the gap of the bathroom door which was closed shut. She couldn’t possibly be crying her heart out in there, could she? Please, no more tears because of me…

I knocked softly on the bathroom door. “Baby, are you in there?”

Nobody answered.

“Baby?” I tried again while turning the doorknob clockwise. It wasn’t locked. As the view became clearer, I was no longer worried. Instead, my heart-beat stopped, cold sweats appeared and my whole body trembled.

She laid herself inside the bathtub with my spare razor blade in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. Her eyes were tightly closed, her cheeks were wet and blood was continuously flowing from the cut on her wrist. I didn’t know what to do. It might’ve been hours, minutes or even seconds, but I knew it wasn’t fast enough when I grabbed her cold body in my hands and rushed her to the car downstairs.


She never liked the smell of medicine around her. She never liked this place. But I had no choice. I had to save her. Even the smallest possibilities means hope to me. I wouldn’t care about anything else as long as they’d tell me she’s safe. For whatever happens, I want her back.

Two hours of staring at the doors were absolutely tiring. If only the people could learn to ignore and just let me worry about my wife alone, it would’ve been more bearable. But seeing how those people came to me with their pens, notebooks and cameras even when I was half to death worried about her, it made me loath myself. How could I’ve not noticed?


I raised my gaze and saw a man with white robes staring intensely at me. “Is- Is everything okay? H-How is she?”

The doctor looked at his feet and put his hands inside his pockets before letting out a sigh.

“Will she be okay?”

“Park-sshi, we’ve tried our best. When you brought her to us, she’s already in a critical

“What are you trying to say?”

He stared deep into my eyes before he continued. I was prepared to hear it. Even if it’s going to bring me sorrow for the rest of my life, I was ready.

Wait. I wasn’t…

“She… might have to go through some difficulties. Her cut seemed to be safe. She didn’t manage to cut off the main artery. However, we found out that she’s been taking this drug for quite some time now and the last time she took it was a few hours before she was brought here. She took more than what was prescribed to her and it has caused her miscarriage and unconsciousness.”

“Excuse me. Did I hear you correctly? Did you say… miscarriage?”



“I’m truly sorry…”

“No! She couldn’t be! It’s impossible…”

It was awkward. The fact that will usually bring tears to one’s eyes has brought me otherwise. Suddenly, I was in rage, I was confused… She couldn’t be pregnant if I haven’t touched her in months. How could she take advantage of me while I was gone and fake her broken-heart when she had someone else to mend it in the first place. No… Something is definitely wrong around here.

“I won’t disclose anything inappropriate in the records. I just need to let you know that she’s in a temporary coma and her condition is currently stable. I need you to allocate somebody close to keep an eye on her for 24-hours every day in case of any emergencies if you’re unable to do it yourself. And please fill in this form and you can see her in a few minutes at room 507.”

Miscarriage? Is it for real? The medical tools wouldn’t lie, right?

“Park-sshi? Are you listening to me?”

It wouldn’t be possible. I was barely at home and when I am, it would be very late, she’s already asleep and I was too exhausted.

“Park-sshi!” he tapped my shoulders hard and examined my eyes closely. “You wife’s life might be in danger and I need your attention regarding her well-being while in the coma. Can you cooperate with us?”

“In a coma!?? God, are you crazy? Of course!!”

No matter how much I doubt her actions, I can never deny the heart that I had for her. She’s totally irreplaceable! And I had to go through this to truly realize it…

“Well then, will you be able to stay here until she regains consciousness? I need to have someone to consult in case of emergencies.”

“Stay here?”

“Well, I know you’re currently busy with the tour but I need someone to be here. Doesn’t she have other relatives? Friends?”

I looked around at the walls. Could this day get any worse? First, our performance got delayed which caused me to break the promise I’ve made with Suyeon. Then, I discovered that she tried to kill herself and suffered a miscarriage to a baby that’s most probably not mine. And lastly, I need to choose between her and my career…

“I’ll make sure there’s someone waiting for her here. For now, I just need to be with my wife.”

The doctor looked at me before nodding and made his way back to the emergency room. Then, I quickly made my way to level 5 where my wife was supposed to be transferred. She should be there already. I looked at my watch, it was nearly midnight.

The whole level was secluded. This was the VIP area. Everything was extra taken care of and the security was tripled around here. She should be safe from her antis, if she had any.


I turned my head and saw a young nurse holding a tray of small bottles smiling from across the hall. “Yes?”

“Oh my God, I couldn’t believe it’s true after all. I thought the news about you being married was just rumours to distance away your female fans!” She was practically fake-smiling from ear to ear.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you…” Can you get away from me please? I don’t have the time or heart to entertain any fans or anti-fans right now. I just need to see my wife.

“Anyways, I heard that your wife might not survive from the coma. The drug she took was WAY out of her league. Her body couldn’t take it. And considering how much she actually took, she won’t have a lot of time left to live.”

God, how dare her! “Excuse me. Did I ask you to explain anything to me?” What I was feeling was far more than irritation.

“I-I was just sharing the information I heard from the doctor.”

“Just keep your mind off of other people’s business!”

Steadily, I walked towards Room 507 mentioned by the doctor. Kim Suyeon. With trembling hands, I opened the door. Oh My…


It wasn’t a normal reaction for me, but I can’t seem to take control of my own body. Wires and tubes were connected to unimaginable parts of her anatomy. Am I still sane? Is this really happening? Suyeon-ah, it was only a promise. You should’ve waited just a bit longer. I’ve made it in time. I really did…

*vibrate vibrate*


I was never good at hiding my emotions. Micky’s voice blew my cover.

“Hyung? Are you okay?”

“Changmin-ah. W-What’s up?”

“Hyung, I asked were you okay. Did you catch flu on your way back home? Your voice sounds weird.”

I made my way closer to the side of the bed. Tubes were coming out of her mouth; wires were all over her arms and chest… Slowly, I laid my hand on her abdomen.

“I’m fine…”

I knew, out of all the members, it would make me a fool to lie to Changmin. But I won’t talk about this now. I don’t need them inside this frame.

“Stop trying to hide it, hyung. What happened?”

“I won’t come to work tomorrow.”


“And maybe the days after that too…”

“Wait, are you kidding me? It’s our Asia Concert Tour rehearsals! We NEED you here!!”

Her body was ice cold. I traced my palm to her arms and her neck. Everything was pale. Suyeon-ah, come back to me…

“I… I got to go.” I’m sorry, Changmin-ah. Everyone…

I sat on the chair and held her hand carefully. Her wrist was bandaged nicely. Recalling the sight of the bathroom, suddenly my heart shattered to pieces. How could an Anniversary Dinner come to this in the end?

Baby, how long have you kept your feelings away from me?

Wait… there was a paper in her hands.

It didn’t take me long to find it. The nurse had put it right on her bedside table. Small circles of blood were on the paper. But it was her beautiful calligraphy that caught my attention the most. I quickly wiped my tears away and took the paper inside my hands.

Dearest Yoochun,

Please forgive me. Despite the love that you claimed you had for me, it made me feel insecure. Your late night works and performances were stealing you away from me. It wasn’t hard to wait. I became really good at it once I married you. You taught me patience and trust. However, it was strangely easy for me to lose hope.

I wasn’t asking for you to be there all the time. I was just hoping that you could fulfill a few simple promises. If I knew that it will soon break my heart, I wouldn’t have asked you to agree to it. But that was my only hope upon you. But you disappointed me… countless times.

I knew it was my own price to pay. I asked for this kind of lifestyle. Though, I shouldn’t have thought that I was strong enough to handle everything. I still needed you by my side.

But my heart has had enough. I’ve made a promise to myself; I would give you one last chance to prove yourself. No. I would give myself one more chance to think things over. I prepared a special dinner for you to keep my mind off of nonsense thoughts. I knew you’ll be off to other countries for your concert soon. I wanted to grab your attention once again. I thought it will make you reconsider to stay by my side longer. Though, I was asking too much. The food was already cold and the scented candles were already burned out. I feel depressed. I feel unwanted. I feel that I am not your first priority. Perhaps, I was in the way of your career…

Yoochun, I didn’t know what else to do. I just couldn’t take it. If you didn’t want me anymore, there’s completely no reason for me to wait. I might as well return to heaven, where things might be a lot more beautiful, more bearable. Even writing this long letter was to buy you some time, but you’re still not here. So, I think it is time that I leave. Just remember this; my feelings for you will never change. From the bottom of my heart, I will always be your number one fan.

Happy First Anniversary.
Kim Suyeon

“Silly girl… You’ve always been my first priority. You know that, right? You’re my ultimate inspiration. I’d do anything to keep you by my side.”

I stared at her pale complexion. This was entirely my fault. I should’ve figured what was on her mind. I should’ve paid more attention on her instead of TVXQ. Performances can be rescheduled, but Suyeon is only one in a million. The beep sounds from the machines were starting to annoy me. Baby, please. I need you back…

Laying my head on the side of the bead, I tried to rest my eyes. We found out that she’s been taking this drug for quite some time now and the last time she took it was a few hours before she was brought here. She took more than what was prescribed to her and it has caused her miscarriage and unconsciousness. Wait, is he serious? I might not know if Suyeon has been seeing a personal physician by herself but I’m sure that she would never take any medicine without my approval. Unless, she already had something planned…

Besides, I know my wife better than anyone else. She did not take the drugs! She only tried to cut her wrist, which she didn’t do after all. If she really had the intention to commit suicide, she would’ve done it properly until her mission was accomplished, and it includes her back up plans. No… Something is definitely not right. Baby, what’s going on around here?

“Jaejoong-hyung, it’s Yoochun.”

“Yah!! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you have any idea how worried we’ve got!!? Where are you now!?”

“Hyung, calm down. I’m at the State Hospital. Suyeon is in a coma.”


I had to pull the phone away from my ears. The typical Jaejoong, always freaked out on these news. “Hyung, listen. I need you to come over. I think somebody framed my wife…”


*Outside Room 507*

“What do you mean?”

I looked at Jaejoong and Yunho in turns. It turns out that everyone doesn’t want their beauty sleep.

“If Suyeon didn’t intend to kill herself, then, who did??”

“Think about it,” I turned to Junsu. “The only person unrelated to the company but is the closest to us is her. If there’s anybody who wanted to hurt us, using her is the best option. But then again, only a few people knew about our marriage.”

“But killing her?”

I stared at Yunho as I tried hard to think.

“Hyung…” Changmin suddenly came in front of me. His expression was intense. “I think that person intended to hurt you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Look, you guys got married silently so it’s weird if we say her anti-fans or our fans were the ones doing this. But do you remember Soh Minyoung? It’s not impossible that he will do such things to see you crash emotionally before your whole career falls along with it.”

“So what you’re trying to say is that MY anti-fans did this to her?”

Changmin nodded slowly. “Suyeon is a strong person. If it’s about her broken hope or trust upon you, she’s much smarter than to result in death. I think they even forced her to write the letter before they forced her to cut her own wrist.”

“Then what about the drugs? Do you think she really took it?”

Yunho came to me with his hands on my shoulders. “You know your wife the best. You could answer that question better than us.”

“I-I think…”


All of us turned around to be greeted by the doctor’s wide smile.

“Doctor? Is there anything that I can help?”

“Owh, that’s okay. I just came to give your wife a few shots for tonight. All of you can resume with your previous discussion.”

“Wait!” Jaejoong ran in front of the doctor before he could move another step. “I’ve never heard any doctors giving a few shots in the middle of the night to a comatose patient like Suyeon. What is it for?”

The doctor stopped in his tracks. His head lowered and his face was surprisingly reddening.

“How dare you question how a doctor takes care of his patients? Move aside.” The doctor’s voice was still as soft as before.

“Owh… Is that how you treat the family of your patients?” Jaejoong firmly stood in front of the doctor. A sleek smile appeared at the corner of his lips. He has uncovered something.

“Tell me what’s your name, doc?” I asked, taking Jaejoong’s hint.

“People call me Dr Wai around here. What’s wrong with you people? It’s going to be late if I don’t give her this shot now. Move!”

“For your information, Dr Wai,” Jaejoong stressed on his name before taking the tray he’s holding away from him. “My fourth sister happens to study around this area of expertise. What you’re trying to do now is completely irrelevant. Explain it to us, if you please.”

The rest of the members gathered around Dr Wai with arms crossed. The doctor was quite short that he was definitely trapped between the five of us.

“You are Soh Minyoung, aren’t you?” I revealed sternly.

The doctor’s eyes bulged but he quickly calmed himself. He took a breath and answered, “What if I am?”

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Killing innocent people…”

“I beg your pardon?”

“This is the liquid form of the drug you showed to me earlier. You didn’t think my eyes would be so sharp so as to catch the name of the drug on the bottle, did you?”

The shorter man suddenly became agitated. He turned side-ways but was completely surrounded by the tall men.

“You always thought I was less smart than you are,” I continued. “But think again… I may have become a celebrity with less knowledge from the books, but trust me I have more capable brains than yours.”

Changmin smirked at my sentences as he focused at the doctor’s face.

“This drug will damage her brains wouldn’t it? First it will cause the comatose, then her heart will come to a halt and she will die.”

The others just looked as I was interrogating my old friend.

“Answer me!!!”


“Since when did you give it to her?”



“Since she entered the emergency room!”

The doctor’s breathing was too fast to be called normal.

“Gosh, you are still the coward I knew from high school,” I chuckled. “So you came to my house earlier and did all those and returned here waiting for her to arrive, huh?”

The doctor looked into my eyes with hatred. “You are the reason why my girlfriend left me.”

“And you take that as the reason to murder my family?”

The look of defeat was clearly shown through the doctor’s expression. But his dignity still stood tall.

“Huhh… I thought it was something big. Tell me one more thing. Did she really suffer from a miscarriage?”


“Then what?”

“She is still two months pregnant.”

“Don’t bluff!”

“I wanted you to pay by killing the baby, but losing both would’ve caused you much more pain.”

“Damn it. I don’t want to hear it anymore. That’s enough. Someone call the police. I’m going to see how Suyeon is doing.”

“Hyung…” Changmin called softly but I choose to ignore them.

The question regarding her condition and the drugs were answered, but the fact about the baby is still unknown. I hope it is still not too late to save her from the effects of the drugs. I need to hear it from her, whether it’s mine or that she’s having an affair with someone else. I hope she won’t keep anything away from me anymore.


“Park Yoochun-sshi…”

I stood from where I sat and rushed towards the new doctor that is now in-charge of my wife. “Y-yes?”

He took off his medical glove and repositioned his spectacles. “We’ve managed to clean her blood from the poison of the drug. It’s lucky that we could save her within this 24 hours or else she might not live. And I have to say that your baby is a strong one. It’s barely affected! I have to thank and congratulate you for this.”

I couldn’t help myself from showing off my teeth. “So, will both of them be safe?”

“Very.” He answered with a smile.

As if being brought to heaven, I jumped onto the doctor and hugged him tight. He choked off surprise. “Oh, I’m sorry. But, THANK YOU!” I hugged him again. I didn’t need to know anything else. Having her by my side again is all that matters.

“Hyung, you need to stop hugging the poor doctor. It might give a wrong impression to other people…” Changmin sighed and rubbed his head.

“It’s okay.” The doctor patted my back once I released him. “It’s not every day you can get your loved ones back once they’ve left you. By the way, she’s expected to rise and shine again in a few hours. I suggest that all five of you get some sleep while she’s still sleeping.”

“No, I’m going to wait until she opens her eyes.”

Jaejoong looked at me with disapproval.

“Yoochun-ah, I know you’re still worried. It’s okay if you don’t want to come to work tomorrow and get some rest. But at least, can you help us get rid of those hideous eye-bags? You’re ruining the group’s image!” Yunho laughed.

“Fine! I’ll do it once you guys leave this hospital.”




“I’m sorry…”

The soft caress upon my skin woke me. I remembered this gentle touch too well that my heart immediately jumped with joy. “Suyeon-ah!!” I left my seat to take her in my arms and kissed her like I never did before.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, but they forced me to it. If not you—”

“Shhh… It’s okay. Everything’s fine now.” My finger upon her lips trembled lightly. Perhaps I was too happy. “We’ve taken care of him.”

She looked deep into my eyes as hers started to glitter. “I love you…” she whispered.

I smiled as I caressed her cheeks. “If you love me, then tell me; do you something important to tell me?”

She stared at me with surprised eyes. She made sure that I was thinking the same thing she’s thinking before spilling the rest of her secrets. “How did you know?” Her voice still sounded exhausted but her expressions showed otherwise.

“Baby, this is a hospital, remember?” I chuckled. “Tell me, who’s the father?” I may sound playful, but the anxiety inside me was overwhelming.

“What do you mean who’s the father? Of course it’s you!” she giggled lightly despite her weak condition.

She made me pause. The smile left me slowly. “But… I don’t remember…”

“What’s wrong, baby? Aren’t you happy?” She looked insecure.

“No… I mean, YES!” How could I’ve possibly thought of spoiling this precious moment? “Of course, babe…” I planted a small peck on her forehead. The most important thing is that I love her…

She smiled widely. “I never thought this could happen despite the fact that we rarely spend time together lately.”

“Me too…”

“Though I need to tell you, being drunk is not good for you, even if it somehow does bring in some good points later into our lives.”

Her sudden, soft confession managed to soothe my heart. I took her into my arms and held her tight. “Thank you, Suyeon-ah…”

Thus, from this day forward, I vow to take really good care of my wife and my family, love and secure them with all that I have. I may have to resign from being a singer, or I may even become a better one that the whole world will recognize. Because my future is her and only her…

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